So, I’ve announced my intentions for Friendship Month. Many of my friends read my blog. Which means many of the people whom I would involve in this month’s focus already know what my resolutions are. When I call a friend, is she going to think, “I wonder if this is CJ’s weekly call to a friend…”
If she does, will that make my calling seem less genuine to her because I might be calling as part of my project rather than just spontaneously calling her to see how she’s doing?
Do I think it’s less genuine to call as part of the project than just spontaneously? (I suspect I might, or why would I wonder if others think so?)
If I say, “Hey, do you want to have a mommy-date this week?” will my friend say, “Oh, she just wants to hang out with me so she doesn’t have to write that she didn’t meet her resolution this week.”
A friend who lives across the country called on Friday and I finished the very pleasant call wondering if I could legitimately count that as my “friend” call for the week. (I decided I couldn’t count it.)
I’ve been very resistant to my Friendship Month resolutions, and I don’t understand why.
It isn’t because I don’t like my friends. On the contrary, I quite like my friends.
Maybe I’m just contrary and always want to do the opposite of what I think I ought to. That certainly seems to be the case with keeping a reasonable bedtime.
This month’s resolutions are out of character for me. I’ve had out-of-character resolutions before, but up to now my focus areas have all involved just myself or myself and members of my immediate family.
In February, if my husband thought it was out of character for me to give him a big hug and kiss when he got home from work, I felt confident he’d mention it to me and we’d talk about it and connect and understand each other.
I have a tentative resolution for June in which I hug people more. I like people who are huggers. They seem like happy people. So I thought I’d try my hand at being a hugger. My concern (already) is that if I all of a sudden start hugging people I’ve never hugged before, that they’ll think I’m strange. And how would I even initiate a hug with someone I’ve never hugged before? My usual method is to say, “OK, I want to give you a hug now.” While straightforward, that’s not a particularly suave way to initiate a hug. It doesn’t really exude authenticity.
The hug resolution is more scary to me than my mommy-date resolution or my call-a-friend resolution, but those other two are pretty unnerving, too.
My husband thinks the make-three-friends resolution is too much. We joked that I ought to amend it to be, “Make three friends, one in real life, one online, and one imaginary.”
He said, “I think you should get rid of that resolution. Or at least reduce it to ‘make one new friend’.”
I said I didn’t want to change it because I kind of liked the idea of the challenge. If I don’t meet the resolution or only meet it partially, so be it. It’s my Happiness Project. I’ve partially kept resolutions in the past. I’ve even scrapped them entirely. Nothing wrong with doing it this month, so long as I give it a try first.
I suspect that there’s more benefit to the “trying” part of meeting my resolutions than there is to the “succeeding” part. At least I hope that’s the case. Otherwise, I’m officially terrified of Friendship Month.
Imperfect Happiness 
Oh, and maybe rethink the Leiderhosen. That might be just the ice breaker you need
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I don’t know about the make 3 friends goal either because you have to maintain and build those 3 friendships after this month (unless you fiendishly drop them in May 😉 Meeting new potential friends, I can see, but building and maintaining 3 simultaneously, unless it’s already a group, sounds hard. And making friends with a group is a whole other ball of wax.
I’m not trying to dump all over your plan, though. If you’re game, even scared game, I say go for it!
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CJ,
I enjoy your blog immensely! I understand your hesitations with your social goals—I’d think the same things myself. When we moved here, my goal was to have one friend in one year. (But, it was meant to be a real friend, one that I could call if I was really upset or needed to cry.) Not just an acquaintance. A goal of making 3 friends in a month would terrify me!
I like your not crazy diet, too! I have adrenal fatigue as well (and my liver’s probably not great, either). I went to a nutritionist, and her ideas were similar—no sugar, no stimulants, as they weaken the adrenals, and to build them back up, I need to eat protein at each meal (meat, fish, eggs) and 1 and a half cups of nuts and seeds per day! Veggies, too, of course. It’s interesting to compare different strategies. We’re also gluten and dairy free, I’m going to keep an eye on your recipes on this blog.
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Thanks, Lisa! I’m glad you’re enjoying my blog!
I’m not hoping to make a “shoulder-to-cry-on” friend this month, just a “call-up-sometime” friend.
I’m not sure what the diet looks like after the initial 2-week period, but I do think there’s some mention of small amounts of protein with every meal. I had some really yummy stuffed avocados the other day (all raw ingredients). If I can get permission to post the recipe, I’ll blog that one.
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When I first read your resolutions I thought to myself, “I hope she calls me.” We also just got a handwritten letter, in the actual mail, and it was so sweet and exciting. In the sailing world we have boat cards (business cards with our contact info) that we can hand out to people we meet. They can kind of break the ice since giving someone one obviously indicates that you want to stay in touch with them. You could make personal cards. Oh and why just focus on making friends with mommies? Why not cute 28 year old guys?
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Well, if y’all are on Skype, perhaps I will call you! My daughter has been talking about Ruby, but I’m not sure she really remembers her. It’s been a very long time.
I’ve thought about making up calling card type things. There were a few moms I knew who had them for scheduling play dates with people (the card would have the kids’ names most prominent and the parents’ names and contact info underneath). I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel courageous enough to hand them to anyone, but that would definitely be easier than trying to find a scrap of paper to scribble a phone number on.
And the mommy-dates are with moms simply because 99.8% of my local friends are moms. But my new friends can be from any demographic. Including cute 28yo guys. Originally one of my resolutions this month had been to join a writing group, which would have supplanted the three-new-friends resolution. But with the layoff, I decided that probably wasn’t the best timing for getting started with a writing group. It’ll be a great way to meet people after we move, though.
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Also i wouldn’t be worried about how your friends will respond to a call. If you called us we might think that it was related to your month, but we would be psyched that you chose us!
P.s. Skype is great
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My husband told me not to be worried about that, either. Thank you for confirming his assessment that my project wouldn’t diminish the gesture in the eyes of my friends!
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When initiating hug month be aware that some of us huggers keep an inventory of non-huggers. I do this as a way of respecting the space and wishes of my non-hugging friends. Sometimes I wonder if i might have mis-labeled a friend as a non-hugger. I might suffer weeks of self-doubt but very rarely change my mind. Every once in a while I will and it brings me unreasonable joy. Hopefully your hugging friends will be on the lookout now.
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It had not even occurred to me that I might not be getting hugged because I’ve been labeled a non-hugger. I think it’s an accurate label, it just hadn’t occurred to me that it could be a reason I wasn’t getting hugged.
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