Battening Down the Hatches

My husband and I have been engaged in hurricane prep all day today. We put the playhouse in the shed. We covered the sandbox. We took down all of the bird feeders. We changed out the screen door on the sunroom for the lexan door.

After that, we started working on another project. We agreed that we had a good start on the two-by-two thing. Two girls, two boys, two cats (although they’re neutered and both male. I’m not sure how helpful that is).

Then we hit an impasse.

During a trip to Home Depot for lumber, we had a 25-minute argument about how long a cubit is. We set the kids loose in the toilet section and googled it (thanks to a pod person there comparison shopping with his smartphone) and found some guidance. But we still couldn’t agree whether to use the short cubit or the long cubit (or something in between).

My husband contended that it didn’t matter.

“As long as it’s sea-worthy and fits us all, shouldn’t size not be an issue?”

“If your goal is mere survival, sure,” I agreed. “But these are building guidelines handed down by God. It’s tempting fate to ignore an edict handed down by God.”

“Okay, I went to twelve years of religious school. You’re really mixing the whole ‘God’ concept with a, frankly, Pagan notion of reward and punishment.”

“Oh, come on!” I argued back. “You know your Protestant upbringing focused primarily on the New Testament. This is Old Testament. You are not the authority on this one. You don’t have a Ph.D. in ark building.”

I’m thinking Noah didn’t ask his wife to help with building the ark. At least in our relationship, it’s really better if one of us spearheads an operation and the other simply stays out or agrees to follow orders without questions.

I’m also thinking Noah didn’t have a Volkswagen Jetta as his primary mode of transportation. No matter which cubit we use, 300 won’t fit in our compact car.

So, we compromised.

We scrapped the idea of an ark and, instead, worked on clearing out the beer and cider from the fridge, put the kids in front of Curious George, and watched the rest of Season Two of The Office.

We are so ready for this hurricane.

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