Homeschool – A Day in the Life, Part IV: Socialization

In Part I, I gave an overview of our homeschooling lives. In Part II, I provided information about the materials we use and how we chose them. In Part III, I tackled the thorny issue of maintaining balance while the kids are learning at home. In the fourth and final post in this series, I write about what’s probably the most commonly asked question about homeschooling, “What about socialization?”

I didn’t really want to write about socialization in this series because I really hate the subject (or at least the frequency and manner with which it’s tossed at homeschoolers), but it comes up so often, I thought I ought to say at least something about it.

Basically, I have two suggestions for those who worry about homeschooled children being adequately “socialized”:

CIMG83821) Get clear about what it is you mean by “socialized.” It’s an impressive-sounding word, but most people don’t really seem to have a clear idea of what they mean by it or what value it holds for children. Once you’re clear about your definition of “socialized,” look at the way schools are typically run and see if this meets your definition of “socialization.”

How well does being with only people the same age as they are prepare our children for jobs and community roles in which they will interact with people of a wide range of ages? How well does it fit or train our children for a social environment?

The vast majority of us have grown up in schools—either public or private—in which children spend hours every day with only children who were born within twelve months of each other. We have the sense that there is something important and valuable in this state of things, but is this because there really is?

Number 5 of “Manifesto, by Susan Cain” (formerly Sixteen Things I Believe, from her blog, “The Power of Introverts”) says it well:

We teach kids in group classrooms not because this is the best way to learn but because it’s cost-efficient, and what else would we do with the children while all the grown-ups are at work? If your child prefers to work autonomously and socialize one-on-one, there’s nothing wrong with her; she just happens not to fit the model.

And for another perspective on grouping kids by age, check out the series of blog posts by Peter Gray on his Psychology Today-hosted blog entitled “Freedom to Learn.” Here’s Part I of his “Why We Should Stop Segregating Children by Age” series.

I wonder if maybe we want to believe that grouping kids together by age is beneficial because it’s how we were raised and how most of us are choosing to raise our children. Maybe we don’t want to consider that perhaps grouping children by age in school is done for expedience rather than because there’s inherent value in the practice.

2) Ask real-life homeschoolers about the interpersonal interactions in which their children engage, rather than making assumptions about how much or how little their children socialize. I recommend that you do not ask your homeschooling friends how they “socialize” their children, but rather ask more open-ended questions about what types of activities their children enjoy. A lot of homeschoolers are really sick of the “S” word, and you’re likely not going to get on their good side by using it. If you don’t know any homeschoolers personally, try reading The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefits of Homeschooling by Rachel Gathercole. In fact, even if you do know homeschoolers personally, this is a great book to read.

So, what social activities do my children enjoy? Well, we’ve got tons of mixed-age activities: Sunday school, flute group class, Girl Scouts, birthday parties, sports activities, homeschool classes at Mass Audubon, play dates, library story times and crafts, dinner gatherings with friends of all ages, and loving caregivers that come to play. Come summer, we’ll have hiking excursions and playground trips and softball games and Girl Scout day camp and trips to visit extended family in the Midwest and Mid-Atlantic. My kids have the benefit of social interactions with not just their age-mates, but with babies and octogenarians and everyone in between.

Socialization is something that happens when each of us interacts in a real-world situation with other people and learns the give-and-take involved with being a member of our community. The community we have built is rich and varied, and my children are an active part of it. I am confident that they’re being socialized just fine.

So…how do you socialize your children?

Other Posts in This Series:

4 Replies to “Homeschool – A Day in the Life, Part IV: Socialization”

  1. Amen and amen. I think the whole socialization argument is a little silly, to be honest. If I kept my children locked up in my house, and never let them talk to anyone else, ever, then we might have issues. But we have church groups, music groups, and they come with me everywhere: to the bank, grocery store, post office, etc. I regularly send my girls on their bikes to the store down the street (yay for small town America and a grocery store 4 blocks away!) to buy something I may have forgotten for dinner, they interact with music teachers, church teachers etc. I’m not locking them in a cage! Plus, one of the benefits of home educating is that they don’t get exposed to the “socialization” of public school- the bullying, the snippy pre-pubescent girls, the emphasis on fitting in at all costs, etc.


  2. Ahh the dreaded S question! If you homeschool, people ask you about socialization. When people find out you live in Utah, theyask you if you are Mormon (like the coffee cup, shorts and halter top were not a dead give-away!).
    Here is my crafted response to the S question:
    “Ha ha ha…you know it is funny that that everyone asks that question. I think that if you are poorly socialized, then your children will be poorly socialized. I am a well socialized person therefore my children are well socialized. Children learn by modeling. “(At this point they are usually playing very nicely with the other children)
    I would say that my children are better socialized than their institutionalized peers. They certainly have their moments, but they are generally very nice well-behaved kids that are deeply passionate about their interests.

    The next question is usually, “What are you going to do for high school.” (My not crafted response is, “Well, what did you do in High School?” I got drunk, skipped school to smoke pot and chased boys”

    Another time I will give the crafted response!

    Thanks for writing these. I send them to my father-in-law.

    I have to get my taxes done. Thanks for the diversion.


    1. Ah, yes. The high school question. Another “ugh” question. And I’ve definitely had people assume I’m Mormon because I used to live in Utah. I’ve decided to take it as a compliment and as my cue to go on and on and on about how awesome Utah is, regardless of one’s religion (except for the inversions).

      Happy to provide a diversion from your taxes (and something to forward to your father-in-law).


Your turn! What's on your mind?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s