Bookends: October 2024

October has been a busy month, mostly in a great way. My spouse and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with a full week of staycation concerts, plays, and outings, including a 25 kilometer walk and a trip to Universal Hollywood for the first time since I was 10 years old.

Rediscovering live music has been a revelation for me. I never was what I would consider a frequent concert-goer, but I saw my share of 90s bands, back in the day and then went to a total of 2 live rock concerts since I had kids. I’ve watched a LOT of youth musicians play—quite well, much of the time—but going back to seeing professional musicians, both rock and classical, has brought so much pleasure to me. We’re slowing down a little after going to quite a few in a short amount of time, but we do have some shows coming up, and I’m always on the lookout for more.

Something that I think has helped contribute to my enjoyment over these past few months is that I’ve started to get a sense for my own voice again, both literally and metaphorically. Whether it’s voiceover/narration, acting, singing, or writing, there’s a confidence that I don’t recall feeling when I was younger. It’s not that I think I’m incredible at any of these things—I’m realistic and can see where I can improve (and where I might never improve)—but not being incredible doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. I’m also feeling more confident that I’ve grown aware enough that I’m unlikely to accidentally insult or hurt someone, and if I do, I don’t have a problem with owning it and apologizing and trying to do better, rather than avoiding speaking at all for fear of the embarrassment of putting my foot in my mouth.

Overall, this is empowering, but there’s a sadness in it, too, as I think about the 30-ish years I’ve spent feeling anxious and like I don’t deserve to be heard because I don’t sing/speak/act/write well enough. I still like to wow people by doing something impressive, which is possibly a side effect of being labeled a “gifted” child from a young age, but I’m trying to move away from needing that external validation as much as I currently feel I do.

It’s a work in progress, an exercise in humility, and a whole lot of fun (most of the time).

Something else that’s fun? Reading in October! I really don’t know why I love reading in October so much; I just do.

October Completed Books:

My favorites from this bunch:

• The Push by Ashley Audrain
• Ghost Wall by Sarah Moss
• The Safekeep by Yael van der Wouden

Currently Reading:

• Ghost Eaters by Clay McLeod Chapman
• Silent Scream by Angela Marsons

To-Read for November:

In addition to my StoryGraph, you can see my Litsy profile for status updates throughout the month and my Instagram (@ImperfectHappiness) for mostly not-book-related photos.