So, I think I broke my Habit Experiment.
Since I kicked off Meditation Month, I have let slide basically all of my habits. I’ve not been exercising, I check the internet constantly, and I’ve been staying up late. It’s like adding daily meditation—or even thinking of adding meditation because it’s not like I’ve been meditating regularly, either—knocked me completely off-kilter. It was the habit that broke the camel’s back, the tipping point towards habitual chaos.
Now that I’m foundering, I’m left with the question: What do I do now?
Do I hit pause on more habits until I get my act together, or do I just assume that I’ll have little hiccups along the way and keep trucking along undaunted?
I lean towards the latter, but I’m not even sure where to start. The end of daylight saving threw me for a loop, and even when I do manage to wake up early enough to walk, the frigid temperatures make we want to bundle up and then sit at the kitchen table and drink my coffee while I’m doing a crossword instead of trekking about the neighborhood.
And if I don’t walk, I feel miserable about myself all day and it seems pointless to do all of my other habits.
I suspect that’s where I’m going astray. Because walking in the morning might help me feel better, but it isn’t evidence of inherent goodness. Meditating in the morning might ground me, but not doing it won’t make me a bad person.
I need to do the habits without all of the brain chatter. Just do them and not think about whether I’m a “good girl” or not for doing them.
(And while I’m at it, maybe I should work on breaking the habit of using the phrase “good girl” to describe myself. Where do I get off being so patronizing to myself?)
So, tomorrow I’ll try again. I’ll wake up and maybe I’ll take a walk. And then maybe I’ll meditate. And if I don’t walk and I don’t meditate tomorrow…well, there’s always the next tomorrow.