I’ve been kind of freaking out and overwhelmed the past couple of weeks.
I mean, contemplating moving my family into an RV might, under the right circumstances, be a bold yet totally reasonable and right choice for my family. But I realize that I wasn’t entertaining the idea because I’d reasoned it out and decided it was the best plan for my family. I was entertaining the idea because I was feeling burned out and was looking for an escape from all of my anxieties and pressures. If I don’t have a grip on the anxieties, moving into a few hundred square feet on wheels is not going to improve things any. Unless, I guess, if all of my anxieties were about needing to make a quick getaway but not wanting to leave anything behind. In that case, moving into an RV might be just the thing.
But that’s not my deal. My deal is this: Coming out of a few weeks of holiday and family-crisis-related disarray, I’ve slipped back into a pattern of wanting to fiercely regain control of myself and everything and everyone around me so I can get things back in order.
So, I’ve come up with a few reminders for myself as we close out 2010:
- There is no need to attach moral judgment to Self Care tasks. I don’t need to go to bed at a reasonable time because it’s more virtuous to do so. I need to go to bed at a reasonable time so I feel refreshed and rested when my kids wake me up in the morning. It’s not morally wrong to eat the entire bar of Almonds and Sea Salt in Dark Chocolate (which I did AGAIN tonight). It just leaves me feeling a bit queasy, so I might choose not to eat the whole darned thing.
- The number of page views my blog gets is not an indicator of my own worth as a person. And checking my blog stats dozens of times a day does not cause them to go up.
- The decluttering and house cleaning are works in progress and will never be “done.”
- Breathing and meditating are not a waste of time. Constantly refreshing Facebook, on the other hand…
- Getting rid of the dining room table will not get rid of the clutter that accumulates on the dining room table.
It’s time to stop beating myself up. Like Bart Simpson says when he stops the bullies from giving Milhouse a pink belly in the episode, “Separate Vocations”: “That belly’s not gettin’ any pinker.” This self-flagellation is about as gratuitous as a pink belly.
I’m hereby re-commiting to being gentle with myself. I posted this way back at the end of Week 2 of the Happiness Project, but I’m going to post it again as a reminder to myself. It’s a chant from my friend David in North Carolina:
I will be gentle with myself.
I will be gentle with myself.
I am a child of the universe
Being born in every moment.
3 Replies to “No More Emotional Pink Bellies”
I swear crap breeds in the closets. I’ve had the spare bedroom closet cleaned out several times, and somehow I end up with more boxes of junk to sell! And since I don’t buy stuff, and theoretically only receive gifts two times per year, breeding is the only reasonable explanation for how the boxes get back in there!
Ain’t #3 the truth? Sigh. Somehow every time I get to the surface of the desk, or the bottom of the pile on the floor I think I’ve “won” and then a few months later I’m looking at the same spot feeling like I’ve lost. There’s no win or lose, there is only the battle! Or journey, if you’re feeling less combative with your stuff than I am. 🙂