Ah, I have reached the familiar point in my attempt to implement a daily meditation practice at which I realize that what I really want is to live entirely on the banks of the endless stream of thought and judgment and influx of stimuli rather than getting mired in it on a daily basis.
It’s the point at which I think that it sure would be easier if my mind were already serene, if in every moment a beatific smile rested lightly on my lips, and only the kindest, most truthful, most necessary words passed from those lips. It would also be easier if my children would allow me to sleep through the night so eight hours in bed actually had a chance of translating to eight hours of sleep.
It’s the point at which I realize that any of these things is incredibly unlikely to happen, no matter how much meditating I do.
It’s the point at which I wonder if it’s even worth the trouble of getting to bed early and waking up before dawn, evading my children while attempting to rouse myself by washing my face in cold water, brushing my teeth, stretching, and leaving the heat below 60 just to pass out while listening to a meditation CD and distant whinging every morning.
But it’s only Day 10. I’ve got 46 more days to go of just following the Plan while reserving judgment. In seven weeks I’ll open the floodgates and judge away. For now, I’m just staying the course and trying not to let my resistance to adding one more thing to my to-do list get the better of me.